Should They Stay or Should They Go

Before going into all the details I strongly recommend you do this quick quiz that will only take a few minutes. These decisions should never made when angry with the child and not taken lightly.

---

SECTION 1: THE QUIZ (20 questions, 1–5 scale)

Instructions: 1 = Strongly Disagree, 5 = Strongly Agree

A. Emotional Style

1. Handles new situations without getting very upset. ___

2. Bounces back quickly after disappointment. ___

3. Sleeps/eats well even when routines change. ___

4. Tells me when sad/scared (doesn’t hide it). ___

5. Makes friends easily in new groups. ___

B. Attachment & Separation

6. Stays overnight elsewhere without anxious calls. ___

7. Settles within minutes after I leave. ___

8. Believes I will always come back. ___

9. No history of separation nightmares/regression. ___

10. Asks for comfort, not just control, when stressed. ___

C. Independence

11. Completes homework without reminders. ___

12. Manages daily routine independently. ___

13. Uses clock, schedule, digital tools safely. ___

14. Solves small problems without panic. ___

15. Asks adults for help appropriately. ___

D. The Overseas Plan

16. A trusted adult will be present daily. ___

17. Regular video calls possible in good time zone. ___

18. School has experience with international children. ___

19. Clear emergency plan (medical, emotional, academic). ___

20. My child wants to go. ___

Total Score: _______

SCORING TABLE

Score	Recommendation
80–100	Go confidently – Any overseas option likely works.
60–79	Go conditionally – Avoid solo boarding. Choose online + local adult.
40–59	Pause – Strengthen attachment or executive function first. Trial short separation.
20–39	Stay for now – High risk of harm. Reassess in 12–18 months.

Red flags (any 1 or 2 on questions 6,7,8,20): Do not send without parent.

SECTION 2: CROSS-REFERENCE CHART

Attachment Style	Local Intl School (parent away)	Overseas Boarding	Solo Online	Online + Local Tutor
Secure	✅ Excellent	✅ Good	⚠️ Fair	✅ Very good
Anxious	⚠️ Fair	❌ Poor	❌ Poor	⚠️ Fair (needs consistent adult)
Avoidant	⚠️ Fair	⚠️ Fair (silent isolation)	❌ Poor (won’t ask for help)	⚠️ Fair
Disorganized	❌ Unsafe	❌ Unsafe	❌ Unsafe	❌ Unsafe unless therapeutic

This tool is based on attachment theory (Bowlby/Ainsworth) and Big Five personality research. Not a substitute for clinical assessment. For educational use only.